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Tag: dealing with emotions

[Video] Flip It! How Do You Pick Yourself Up After You Fail?

[Video] Flip It! How Do You Pick Yourself Up After You Fail?

Let me start by busting a myth: If you’re successful at anything, you’ve also experienced a fail or two.

And, likely, a lot more than one or two.

I’m not sure it’s possible to BE successful without also experiencing failure. Because, if you’re not out there and trying new things and testing out new ideas and concepts while knowing you may fail, it’s difficult to BE a success.

Projects you thought would be a big hit … aren’t. Or they take longer than you planned to catch on. Or maybe they WERE a huge success, and then one day they stopped selling.

Launches crash and burn. Marketing strategies that once worked stop.

I could go on and on. And, these are just entrepreneurial examples. There’s also countless examples if you want to be an author or artist or scientist or inventor, or even climb the corporate ladder.

Thomas Edison experienced over 10,000 failures (which he didn’t call “failures”) before he figured out how to make a light bulb work.

So, I suspect you already know this. It’s not a secret.

But, I also bet you forgot.

Because, unless the fall from grace is really public, you don’t see it. A lot of failures happen behind closed doors. A product doesn’t sell as well as hoped — is that truly something most people are going to see? Probably not. It didn’t sell well so how would anyone outside the business know?

I start here because I’m beginning to believe one of the key attributes all successful people share is their ability to bounce back after they fail.

Because failure is going to happen if you want to become a success. And, the more successful you want to become, the more failure you’ll likely experience.

Now, my take on picking yourself back up after you’ve fallen is maybe a little different than what you heard. You see, I think the first thing you need to do is feel all those crappy feelings.

Yes, feel the anger, the disappointment, the resentment, the jealously, the envy, the shame, the embarrassment, the grief. Stomp your feet. Hit a pillow. Cry.

Do whatever you need to do to move that energy from your body.

Because that’s the only way you’ll be able to stop feeling those feelings.

Feelings just want to be felt. And, if you don’t feel them, they’ll keep following you around, harassing you, until you do.

So, how on earth will you be able to pick yourself up if you’re still stewing? How are you possibly going to focus on taking action to get yourself back on track when you’re still battling rage or grief or wanting to shrink into yourself and hide under your bed?

The answer — you can’t!

That’s why so many people CAN’T pick themselves back up. They may tell themselves they need to beat this, and they have to get back on their horse and all the other rah-rah inspirational motivational messages.

But, it’s just talk. If they feel like crap, it’s going to be tough to take action. Not only because you don’t feel like doing anything when your emotions are out of control, but trying to keep yourself from feeling your emotions is a lot of work, so you’re likely going to be more exhausted than normal.

So, before you do anything, before you get that plan together to beat this thing, let yourself just feel as crappy as you want to. Go ahead, let it all out. Have a big ole pity party for yourself.

And, when all of those emotions have been felt and have moved through you, you may be amazed at how easier everything looks.

(And if you’re wondering exactly how you can get everything you want simply by flipping your perspective? Check out the first episode here.)

If you liked this episode, you may also like my “Love-Based Money and Mindset” book.

[Video] Flip It: Are You Letting Your Critics Win?

[Video] Flip It: Are You Letting Your Critics Win?

When I was a freshman in college, I was accepted into an advanced creative writing class. I admit, at the time I was pretty brash and full of myself (and not in a good way) and definitely deserved to be taken down a peg or two.

And, that’s precisely what happened. The creative writing professor didn’t care for me, gave me a C, and told me it was because I didn’t have much talent as a writer.

Now, for years, I would imagine telling this story on these national platforms, like Oprah, after I was a huge success, of course.

There was only one problem.

I had stopped writing.

Oh, I still had fantasies of becoming a famous author. And I often dreamed of telling this story as a revenge fantasy. But, in terms of putting the work in and actually sitting my butt down in a chair and writing, I wasn’t doing a darn thing.

And it wasn’t for lack of trying. I just didn’t have any ideas. I was completely blocked.

So, why was that? What happened to me?

Well, what I see now is I didn’t allow myself to process my emotions.

I jumped right into “Well, I’ll show her” and “Every famous author was told he or she didn’t have talent” mode, and skipped right over the part where I have a good cry because my feelings are hurt and maybe throw a temper tantrum while I’m at it. (Alone of course. This is not about creating a lot of drama and having people feel sorry for me. This is simply me behind closed doors feeling my emotions.)

I can remember back then feeling out of sorts, like I was a bottle of carbonated fizzy soda all blocked up with nowhere to go. I was literally feeling myself block my creativity, even though I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing at the time. I didn’t understand how important it was to feel my emotions and let them out before I could settle back down and do the hard work of creating.

So, now let’s talk about you. I get it. Being criticized is never fun. It’s even less fun now when social media is lurking right around the corner and people can say all sorts of nasty and hateful things for the world to read.

I understand. You should check out some of my reviews on Amazon. Ooof — a few are brutal. One even compares my writing to a 6-year-old. So, yeah. It happens.

But am I going to let those nasty-minded mean people stop me from getting my message out to those who are looking for it? Absolutely not. In fact, you can check out my fiction brand right here.

And you shouldn’t let them stop you either.

Which is why taking care of yourself is more important than ever.

If you don’t allow yourself to feel bad when you’re criticized, OR if you’re not allowing yourself to feel the fear you might be criticized if you get too big, you’re never going to allow yourself to get big enough to be criticized.

And, if you do that, who wins? You or your would-be critics?

The best part? Eventually the critics will lose their power to hurt you. Honestly. If you do the work and feel the feelings, no matter what they are, you’ll stop being triggered.

And then, who is the real winner?

(And if you’re wondering exactly how you can get everything you want simply by flipping your perspective? Check out the first episode here.)

If you liked this episode, you may also like my “Love-Based Money and Mindset” book.

[Video] Flip It! Why Aren’t My Goals Coming True?

[Video] Flip It! Why Aren’t My Goals Coming True?

Has this ever happened to you?

You have a big goal. Maybe you want to start a business or grow a business. Maybe you want to hit a certain income goal. Or maybe you’re finally ready to start writing your book.

So, you start taking action toward that goals.

But … something funny happens.

All these fears start coming up. What if I fail? What if I succeed? What if I spend all of my time working? What if my partner leaves me? What if my kids start to hate me?

Maybe you stop being able to sleep because of all of these worries.

Or, maybe you’re angry all of the time.

Or, maybe you waste hours and hours stewing about how everyone else seems to be further on their journey than you.

So, you find yourself procrastinating or losing focus. Or, maybe you simply can never find the time to work on them.

You’re busy, right? There’s always something more important or urgent to work on.

Right?

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many, many people are unable to take even the smallest action towards their goals and dreams.

They have lots of reasons why. Some of those reasons are even pretty good. They don’t have the time or the money or they’re too old or it’s just not the right time. They can pursue their dreams when the kids go back to school or once their mom isn’t sick anymore or after they retire.

But, here’s the thing. Whatever you telling yourself right now, ISN’T what’s actually stopping you.

I’m not saying that reason isn’t true. I’m saying it’s NOT what’s stopping you.

I don’t care how busy you are, if you’re serious about your dreams, you can find 15 minutes a day to work on them. (And, trust me, you can do a lot in 15 minutes. I wrote 3 books in only 15 minutes day.)

So, if it’s not your excuses, then what’s stopping you?

Simple. Your fear-based emotions.

You see, all emotions fall under either love or fear. Fear-based emotions include fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, grief.

For most of us, we don’t want to feel our fear-based emotions (for obvious reasons). But, just because we don’t want to feel them doesn’t mean they don’t want to be felt.

It also doesn’t mean they won’t keep chasing you until you actually take the time you feel them.

But, there’s good news. Once you feel them, they move on.

(Yes, it really can be that simple. No, it’s not easy to feel your fear-based emotions, but it IS simple. All it requires is you pause, breathe and feel. Not react. Not DO anything about those emotions. Just be with them.)

So, if you see yourself here, I’d love to encourage you to try something different. The next time you’re taking action on your goals and some fear-based emotion starts to raise its ugly head (whether it be worry or resentment or anger or grief or shame or guilt or something else) rather than DO something about that emotion (including make up a story around why its happening) just STOP.

Stop, breathe and feel.

Then, once it’s moved through you, go back to working on your goals.

You may be amazed at the magic you create in your life or business.

(And if you’re wondering exactly how you can get everything you want simply by flipping your perspective? Check out the first episode here.)

If you liked this episode, you may also like my Love-Based Goals” book — you can check it out here.